I got a text from a high school buddy saying he would be coming to the city that weekend, but I didn’t answer him. I really didn’t feel like seeing anyone and explaining what I had been up to. I arrived at the subway station at 5:00 and was glad Robbie wasn’t there that day to make a scene or ask for money. When the 5:15 subway arrived I saw Alicia right away. She looked at me and smiled, then looked down all bashful-like. I watched her walking towards me and when she got close I held my arms open and she stepped into my embrace. I inhaled deeply and smelled her fresh hair. She backed up and was smiling, ‘Hey, you shaved!’ ‘Got a haircut too,’ I said, lifting my baseball cap to show her my groomed hair. Then I realized she never knew how bad it was having not seen me without my hat. ‘Very clean-cut,’ she said. ‘It looks good.’ ‘I liked your note. My name is Ray.’ ‘Nice to meet you, Ray,’ she giggled and stuck out her hand. ‘Kinda’ funny to shake your hand when we went straight to. Nothing at all.He squeezed a bit tighter but still nothing."Come on," he said to himself. "I know this is how I did it... Why won't it work?"He realized after ten minutes nothing was going to happen. He looked in the mirror at his shoulder and saw no bruises or marks on his flesh."Maybe I'm not doing it hard enough," he thought aloud, squeezing harder this time, but he flinched back from the pain, knowing it was one thing to squeeze someone else's shoulder really hard, but to inflict such self injury to oneself was a much more difficult thing to do.It was just like trying to remove a splinter with tweezers. He let his mom do that all the time when he got a splinter, and yeah it hurt, but every time he tried to remove a splinter himself from his own skin, he just couldn't do it. He just couldn't take the pain. His reflexes kept him jerking away before he could get at the splinter.It was like trying to hold your breath and see how long you could go before having to breathe again. Some.
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